It's tough to practice real self-care when the internet's obsessed with #selfcare. Let Mashable help with our new series Me, My Self-Care & I.
What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck is going on in the world of self-help literature?
After decades of scoring mega-hits with cheesy titles (How to Win Friends and Influence People, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff), romantic titles (The Road Less Traveled, The Secret) and straight-up listicles (The Four Agreements, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People), publishers who cash in on solving problems have cottoned on to a new way of selling solutions: screaming "fuck" and "shit" at the tops of their literary lungs.
Starting in 2015 with F*ck Feelings, every one of these oh-so-transgressive titles has exploded into a veritable f*cking franchise. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, still the bestselling champ of the sweary self-help shelf, spawned a sequel called Everything is F*cked. The author of Unfu*k Yourself now tells us to Stop Doing That Sh*t. A few decades ago, the title of Jen Sincero's You Are a Badass series might have prompted boycotts; now it makes her look like a girl scout by comparison.
Having sold untold millions of copies, the genre — mostly written by authors with little in the way of therapeutic experience — shows no sign of slowing down. Its main 2019 innovation was the first use of a sweary noun: I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck, by a blogger and life coach who dubs himself The Angry Therapist. Grrr!
If all these outbursts sound a bit sophomoric to you, you're literally correct. Booksellers are reporting that college-age customers are the ones showing up for sweary self-help readings. Publishing houses are quite open about the fact that these books are not for old farts; they're mainly aimed at those young enough to judge books based on their covers. It's publishers' ham-fisted way of saying how the fuck are you doing, fellow kids?
The problem isn't naughty words in book titles. We've been used to those since the groundbreaking 2011 children's book parody Go the F*ck to Sleep (which will be followed this October by the long-awaited sequel F*ck, Now There Are Two of You). No, the problem is that most of the sweary self-help titles are, to use the lingo of their intended readership, so fucking extra.
Why? Because the potty-mouth posturing on page 1 is often the exact opposite of the advice contained within, as you'll see in this brief TL;DR guide to the sweary self-help franchises.
1. F*ck Feelings
Author: Dr. Michael Bennett, a psychiatrist, and his daughter, comedian Sarah Bennett
Released: September 2015
Sequels: F*ck Love; Life Sucks
Ironic cover blurb: "The last self-help book you will ever need!"
Structure: Chapters with titles such as "Fuck Serenity," "Fuck Self-Esteem," and "Fuck Assholes," with comedic interludes written by the younger Bennett.
Title matches content? Not really. Nowhere does the book say you should avoid or forget your feelings, just that you should not maybe act on them so much. Bennett's main (and extremely moderate) message is that you should lower your expectations in terms of how much you can change bad habits and what therapy can achieve. A realistic, low-drama approach to all life's problems may yield low-key positive results.
Representative quote: "In real life, most problems have many causes and many of those causes can't be changed, even with blinding insight or a good, snotty cry, so if you expect that treatment will provide solutions, you'll feel like a failure."
2. The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck
Author: Sarah Knight, a former New York City book editor
Released: December 2015
Sequels: A whole "No Fucks Given" series including Calm the F*ck Down, How Not to Give a F*ck at Christmas, and F*ck No! (coming December 2019).
Ironic cover blurb: Simultaneously describes itself as a "parody" of Marie Kondo's global bestseller The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, which Knight used and loved, and also a genuine "two-step NotSorry method for mental decluttering."
Structure: Four folksy and fairly repetitive sections that roughly correspond to why you should not give a fuck, how to decide to not give a fuck, how to not give a fuck, and how not giving a fuck will transform your life.
Title matches content? For the most part -- although in common with other sweary authors, Knight admits there are times when you do need to give a fuck from your "Fuck Budget," but only "if something, be it human, inanimate or conceptual, brings you joy."
Representative quote: "Instead of feeling guilty, obligated and anxious, wouldn't you rather feel empowered, benevolent and carefree? You'd be like Santa Claus, except instead of toys, you're walking around with a big ol' bag of fucks and only doling them out to the boys and girls you deem worthy. You can be the Santa of fucks!" [Emphasis hers.]
3. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Author: Mark Manson, an entrepreneur, blogger, personal development consultant and, in his own words, "just some guy who reads a lot."
Released: September 2016
Sequel: Everything is Fucked: A Book About Hope
Ironic cover blurb: "The opposite of every other book."
Structure: 9 chapters that run the gamut of cheeriness from "Don't Try" to "And then you die."
Title matches content? Manson keeps up the profanity count, using "fuck" nearly 200 times in the book. However, he also negates the concept of his title on page 15: "there is no such thing as not giving a fuck. You must give a fuck about something." [emphasis his]
Representative quote: "Whether you're listening to Aristotle or the psychologists at Harvard or Jesus Christ or the goddamn Beatles, they all say that happiness comes from the same thing: caring about something greater than yourself."
4. Unf*ck Yourself
Author: Gary John Bishop, Scottish personal development expert and self-described "urban philosopher."
Released: August 2017
Sequels: Stop Doing That Sh*t; Do the Work (coming October 2019)
Ironic cover blurb: "If you're easily offended, stop reading now. This isn't the book for you." (Later in the text, Bishop writes, "I have designed this book to be as accessible and useful to as many people as possible.")
Structure: 7 main chapters with titles that sound suspiciously like the kind of self-help affirmations Bishop claims to despise: "I am wired to win;" "I got this"; "I embrace the uncertainty;" "I am relentless."
Title matches content? Despite hailing from the famously rough city of Glasgow, Bishop's tone is bland and inoffensive enough to be used by, well, a bishop. Somehow, despite often boasting of taking a different approach, he ends up using the familiar language of life-coaching anyway.
Representative quote: "I won't ask you to tell yourself you're a tiger as a way to unleash your inner animal. Firstly, you're not a tiger, and secondly, well, you're not a tiger. This all may work for some people, but I'm much too Scottish for that ... this book is designed to give you an authentic leg-up — one that feels genuine and right for you and can propel you into greater levels of your true potential."
5. Unf*ck Your Brain
Author: Faith G. Harper Ph.D, a counselor, board supervisor, sexologist, and nutritionist in Texas.
Released: November 2017
Sequels: Unf*ck Your Intimacy, Unf*ck Your Adulting
Ironic cover blurb: No lies detected.
Structure: 10 chapters that start on general themes of the fucked-up brain and gradually drill down into specific and serious problems: anxiety, addiction, anger, grief.
Title matches content? Pretty much. Harper merrily swears like a sailor, yells in all caps, and keeps the focus on the gelatinous lump in your head: It's not you, it's the way trauma affects your fucked-up brain.
Representative quote: "This is important shit. We are way more likely to get better if we know why we are having a certain problem rather than just focusing on the symptoms. If we treat stress, anxiety or depression without looking at some of the causes of the stress, anxiety and depression, then we aren't doing everything we can to make things ACTUALLY BETTER."
Lightning Round: the one-offs
Not all the sweary self-help books have become franchises — yet. Here's a quick roundup of the latest examples.
I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman's Guide to a Meaningful Life (2019) by John Kim: The so-called "Angry Therapist" tells the story of his divorce, and provides very gendered advice to fellow straight men. If you like it, you can sign up for Kim's program that will send you one motivational text a day for $5 a month, or buy an audio course called "No more fucking excuses" for $39.
F*** It. Get a Divorce: A Guide for Divorce-curious Optimists (2019) by entrepreneur and divorced dad Steve Kane: a more practical guide for how best to separate when the marriage has irretrievably broken down.
F*ck Yeah: Get Real With Strong Language (2019) by Summer Watson and Shelia Kirkbride. Forget just using "fuck" as a totem on your cover. This is the book that encourages you to swear regularly in order to "powerfully challenge your personal values ... support emotional growth and inspire you to life a more empowered life."
Sounds fucking good to us.
