In the past couple months of social distancing, I've noticed that my mind has gone in circles when it comes to thinking — and acting on — some activities. Take masturbating as an example:
And sometimes, it feels more like this:
Which is to say: I've been masturbating more than in pre-COVID times. Sue me! I'm not able to distract myself with life's pleasures such as an overpriced cocktail or overpriced movie ticket, and I'm surely not able to deal with horniness/loneliness by dating people in person.
While it's completely normal to not be horny right now — we are in the middle of a pandemic, after all — it's also completely normal to be hornier than usual. Researchers are seeing both reactions, as Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire, told me last month.
For those in the latter group, masturbation could satiate some of that desire. I'm fortunate enough to have my own room in a de-facto two-bedroom apartment right now, as one of two roommates flew south after the pandemic hit. But I know not everyone has the luxury, especially when you're in the same place as your parents/family/children/partner/insert-appropriate-living-situation-here for the entire day.
For those who don't have a proverbial room of one's own (to jerk off), I asked Gigi Engle, SKYN Condoms Sex & Intimacy Expert, certified sex coach, sexologist, and author, for her tips.
1. Play some music
"When you have some music playing, it can drown out the sounds you're making and will make you feel more comfortable being authentic during your self-love practices," said Engle. She recommended this tip especially to those living with parents. Even if your parents are sex-positive, you likely don't want them to know you're rubbing one out.
2. Lock the door
You may have forgotten that locking the door is a big part of privacy, according to Engle. "When we're living in such close quarters, boundaries become blurred," she said. "Be sure you're double checking the door before masturbation to ensure you aren't interrupted."
3. Be honest — depending on who you're talking to
If you're social distancing with your partner, they should respect the need for "me time" — they need it, too! Be honest with them about what you're doing. "Masturbation is not a replacement for partnered sex," said Engle, "it is a thing we should all be doing in addition to sex."
If you're with your parents, however? Telling them you're going to your childhood bedroom to get off is probably a little much. Instead, signal that you need some alone time however you see fit. You can say you're going to take a nap, do some (school) work, or whatever you come up with to make sure you can have some space to yourself.
What about if you're a parent?
If you have a partner or another caretaker with you, have them take your children on a walk. If you're a single parent, wait until after they're asleep — and remember to use headphones if you're watching (or listening to!) porn.
If you're in really close quarters...
If you live with someone else in a studio or one bedroom, Engle recommends getting creative. "This goes beyond masturbation," she said. "This is self-preservation when we're living so closely together."
You can buy sheer or light-colored curtains and hang them from the ceiling on your bed to create a makeshift canopy. And if your bedroom is in an alcove, you can use a sheet to create a makeshift door to separate the bed from the rest of the room.
Ultimately, know that it's okay to want some alone time. You deserve it, and you should work with whomever you're living with to make it happen. Masturbating and orgasm have a slew of benefits — and that includes better mood. So, really, masturbating will make quarantined life better for everyone involved.
Topics COVID-19
